Heat on the Metra

"His old lady set fire to his house while he was in it.  She is on trial for arson."  

No, not a quote from the evening news, not even something overheard on Jerry Springer.  This was one conductor talking to another about a co-worker on the Metra Electric Line this morning.  

These two gentlemen, both in their late 50's or early 60's, both white, one skinny and one portly, were sitting in the facing seats that they reserved by putting their crap in it so nobody else could sit down (I HATE that...they are there to take tickets and keep the god damned train on the tracks, not stretch out and do the crossword) gossiping like two old women at the beauty parlor.  

"DID YOU HEAR about ____?" asked Skinny, to which Portly replied "NO...WHAT?"....I swear one of them said "GUUURRRLLLLL" but I may have imagined it....Gay Pride Weekend is upon us, so you hear a lot of "GUUUURRRLLLLL" these days....anyway....

Apparently Skinnys' friend ____, also an employee on the Metra Trains "blew hot".  Now I know what you are thinking, because I have a dirty mind too, but no, he wasn't doing that.  He may do that, but that is not the point of this particular story. 

___ was suspended from work for 30 days for "blowing hot" during a random alcohol screening.  So the guys were taking up a collection to "buy him a bottle" as a gag gift.  

Neither was concerned that their coworker was working on Public Transportation Systems and would have performed his job that day, and perhaps for the next 30 days while intoxicated, they seemed more concerned that he was caught, and making him feel better with gifts of liquor.  

Ok, it is 3:02, time for me to catch the train into the city....Maybe I'll pay a little extra on my ticket and they can add to the bottle fund.